Well it seems to be one of those nights. The insomnia and restless fevers of the abstract mind are clocking in their holiday overtime hours and well…I suppose I’m the one who has to pay the extra fees for bed and bored. Last night I went to bed rather early, by early I mean 5am this morning; I spent the dark hours finally reading a book that I’ve been trying to get to for sometime. The book is “The Stupidest Angel” what is it about? Well appropriately it was a festive Christmas story…about a small town on the coast of Cali and involved the use of a Christmas miracle…sounds pretty standard right? People who know me would probably scratch their heads and think to themselves “I don’t see him as the type of person to really get into reading holiday stories…especially the kind that contains miracles and angels” those people would normally be right cept this little festive story also contained zombies and a talking fruit bat from Guam…I can just see all of those said people now nodding their heads and saying to themselves “yep I can see him reading that”.
Anyhow, the night is pressing on and my muse, inspired by the gory tale of holiday cheer, decided to whisper to me as I when about my routine this morning. Oh on a side note I spent the morning shopping for plasma screen TV’s, apparently the retail stores and getting hosed by the down-turned economy and made mini black Friday sales to compensate…needless to say it worked and I ended up fitting a 50 inch flat screen into the back seat of my little red Ford mustang convertible. Not much of a story really except that it was an interesting ride trying to drive that thing on the freeway back home without losing it to the pavement spirits.
Err…Where was I? Oh yeah, my muse decide to do some musing and early tonight I finally managed to get back on my novel in progress. Which to update those at home: My heroes have defeated the bandit lord and his minions. On request by the villagers they now make their way to the center of the land where the great tower lay. High Atop said tower resides the oracle of Nym whom, as spoken by legend and lore, trains new aspiring heroes to do battle with the evil seeping from the cold void of mal existence. I know it sounds rather cliché but I’m leaving out a lot of the finer details.
Heroes…I think that’s a force sorely lacking from the world today. There aren’t that many shining examples of humanity walking around doing what’s right and just for the everyday citizen anymore…or has there ever been a time when they did? Hmm…I’m sure there are some of us who aspire to be heroic… to leave a mark on society and leave the world a better place to be than when they first appeared. It’s a rather difficult task I would say…mostly because it is far too tempting, and way more fun, to take that power to change the world and become a villain.
This leads to my next point, being a villain, a proper villain, is difficult work. It’s just too easy to go down the path greed and power only end up as a dictator or some other corrupt politician. It would take style and a certain amount of class to be a villain. You know the kind of bad guy who’d appear to the public at large as an eco-friend and socially aware business type who secretly plots to build a giant death ray disguised as a communications tower to hold neighboring cities hostage just for the sake of it. And if you do your job right there might be a bonus side effect for our cities…and that’s inspiring your more than average everyday citizens to become heroes as a counter effect. But that’s me and my late night wild musings talking. Fun little thought though…oh and you’d also need a good maniacal laugh…can’t be a villain without a good maniacal laugh…or henchmen…and a fortress island hideout shaped like your head…that would be cool too….
I know I haven’t written much lately. It’s not like there isn’t anything to write…there’s plenty. It’s just the words…they get muddy…tangled up with thoughts and images…the words lose their focus and I lose my train of thought. Let me just say that life is rather…well I don’t have the word to describe what life is right now…just images. I have an image of myself sitting in business attire in a room full of professionals…CPAs, bankers, business owners, mortgage brokers and real estate brokers to name a few…all of them with at the very least 20 to 30 years of experiences in their respective fields. Then there I am in my seat with less than a full year of job experiences trying my hardest to appear professional and wondering to myself how the hell I found myself in this situation. How the hell do I convince these guys to trust in me, a rookie, to trust their financial livelihoods in a starter financial advisor? The fuck if I know. But somehow I get out of it, somehow I impress a few and they want to do business…what just happened? I don’t know but it makes me nervous, it thrills and excites me, it makes me dream of simpler times.
Sometimes in between my trips to the office to file applications and argue with the underwriters…sometimes in between my trips to meet with new potential clients and networking events…sometimes when I’m trying my hardest to pay attention to the workshop leader at those late Wednesday night professional development seminars…I close my eyes. And I tell myself that there will be days in the future when I’ll be able to just relax and watch T.V. for an entire day in peace. I miss watching T.V., I wonder what’s on Myth busters and I loved those episodes of Blue Planet. When was the last time I went to the beach and just walked? When was the last time I got to sit down and write my stories?
When I last left my heroes in their fictional world, they were defending a village from a group of raiders who had just set fire to the surrounding countryside. I think it happened perhaps three months ago….oh well…I suppose they could wait another few month while business picks up and provides me with the income to get a few things done here in the real world…
And the words again get murky…the train of thought slips once more. But before I go, I think I may start looking up old acquaintances again. It seems a few of them are starting to find each other online…I suppose it’s about time to trade stories with a few…I sure would like to see a few of them in person again. Things change…people change…I’m curious to see how everyone else faired in the last 5 or so years.
The time has come, I suppose, to brush off the old moldy virtual cobwebs from this blog site and do some much needed writing. No, my dear and loyal nonexistent online reader audience, I have not forsaken you. Although I am quite aware that the only entities that truly visit this site are the random spambots constantly filling my comment management box with nonsensical gibberish and promises of cheap easy to access porn. In all honesty the free and easy porn was one of the main factors in me not deleting this thing….but I digress.
Contrary to popular belief and much to the dismay of many, the rumors of my early demise have proven themselves to be quite fallacious (oooh big words! If it makes any of you feel better I have a webster’s propped open on my reading table) I’m not dead but the individual who sits here now typing away is a far different character than the one that initially brought life to this online travesty.
As of late (and hell for the last oh 6 or so months) I have been very busy. My interest for writing have wane, yet my creative mind still remains active and is still very much the fabricator of great imaginings. Only now I’m putting my resourcefulness in areas not previously explored by my previous incarnations….the business world. Yes, it has taken a considerable amount of time to actually get use to the business suit and tie but I’m starting to get the hang of things. A few of my newer compatriots would say that I’m growing into my swagger…perhaps… but I must admit, despite the constant frustrations and personal self-doubting moments, I am rather enjoying myself.
So there…my most recent personality upgrade has had an interesting influence on my person…one that might actually, eventually, fix the flaws and allow for the realization of becoming the person I could have been and pull me further away from the monster I am destined to be.
Oh and don’t fret, my dear and much beloved nonexistent online audience, I’m still quite the sarcastic, arrogant, morbidly magnificent jerk that many knew and felt great aversion for….its just now I need a few more drinks to get on the dance floor.
I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but if I saw this out my apartment window I’d freak out. They need to do this in New York with the Cloverfield monster.
Its Monday night and im stuck in my three hour long strategic management class. At the moment, I am very thankful for the invention of wireless internet. Mercifully there is a window in this room, which allows me to people watch inbetween lecture slides. There doesnt seem to be many people out right now, such a waste… The weather’s been great today. I’d rather be out walking tonight, in the wind and cold… Watching the clouds whip around in the sky.
Hmm…odd, I just got the sudden urge to go out and buy smore flavored poptarts.
Lots of stuff to keep me busy for the next few months. I haven’t had much time to actually sit down and think about the things that haven’t been assigned to me. Probably won’t get many opportunities to write in a while so I’ll just end this little update with a walk down memory lane…..
Ok so I almost set the store on fire…so sue me. But I think that we can all now rest easy in the knowledge that the downstairs heat gun isn’t just a high powered hair dryer…well it is but the key word here is high powered. And they shouldn’t have put all those dry papers nearby! The hell are you laughing at?!!?
Time passes by with the force of sand
Shifting and shaping with the humors of the wind and tide
Tranquil skies brought by the turbulent storms of summer
Raging, passing, then all is quiet
Foot prints found within, they shout the story of progress
Here once stood an individual
With dreams and passions to rival the sundering of the world
A moment passes; all is calm and silent once more
The night is long and the cold enough to pierce the soul
The lonely sands echo a song
Where once stood a dreamer, there now lies only sand
Where once the world shook in awe
Now only whisper of the flow of the tide and wind
All is forgotten, all is lost
“I once built a castle here” one would say
“With towers and walls to block the sun…”
And it was true if you tilted your head just right
Yet the tides have come to sweep memory away
The days pass by
The world turns
The oceans wash
The wind blows
They have forgotten the dreamer and his castle
Of the mighty towers built from sweat and tears
And the walls wrought by hope
The world has turned long ago
The Darkness saps the warmth of lost passions
Yet the days continue to flow unheeding
When all traces have gone
The undying sand still remembers
This was something I wrote long long ago. The words from the first line have been making its way through my head recently so I decided to dig up my old poem. It kinda reflects my current state of mind.
I’ve been busy as of late. Lots of life projects to realize. There now stands an open door before me and above its threshold is a deadline. It is closing very soon and a decision is left for me to choose. Should I enter? The light washing from the threshold is blinding…it is herald to a period of change and compromise.
I feel nervous.
If I choose to enter I must stay firm with my decision. Another door lingers behind, it threatens to seal shut the moment I should choose to abandon it. That path is the one I have walked for a number of years now. I have learned from it and become familiar with its intricacies. It is a place of routine comfort and stability. Should I dare leave that place now? Of course I know the decision I shall make, strive forward. I can never let myself feel complacent, I cannot ever be content. If I ever were I would surely lose meaning.
